I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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