3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
