Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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