Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
