I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I love having hate sex.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
