btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
