Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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