i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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