Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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