I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
