i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
