we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
where are you?
Hypothermia
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
