I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
