Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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