And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
