Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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