Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
