I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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