the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
