mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
