I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
