She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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