How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I don't deserve a penis
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
