well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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