My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize