Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
