WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
