Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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