Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My vagina just recognized that song.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
