i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
vagina is talking i cant
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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