I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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