did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
