those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
