Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
