Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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