His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Randomize
