I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
