All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
