If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
