your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
