the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
