I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
