remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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