Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Randomize
