You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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