I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
