nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
