I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
