i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
