YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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