i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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