I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
